Writing on a rainy day in E-town

I am sitting in a dimly lit, spacious coffee shop called Folklore Coffee in the heart of Elizabethtown (which, will henceforth be known as E-town. I'm learning no one wants to take the time to say or spell out the whole name around here). It has been cloudy all afternoon, with showers of rain spattering over the county ever half hour or so. It's a lovely day for work in a coffee shop.

I have been writing a short story, inspired by NPR's challenge to do so. It is strange how limits can be such a challenge in either direction. When I wrote sermons, getting to my 4 page, single-spaced minimum seemed like the most difficult challenge I encountered time after time. I never felt like I had done it enough to make sermon-writing come as effortlessly as it seemed for some. I usually enjoy the experience as I got into the preaching part (if I liked my sermon by the time I had gotten to that point. If I did like it, it seemed I always knew my sermon better too, as if it was a part of me). But my sermons were always on the short side. Twelve to fifteen minutes at most. By that fourth page, I always ran out of things to say anyway.

This is completely different. I have 600 words. I have used about 200 words in my blog already! I can't imagine telling a whole story in that short a space/time. But I am trying it; it's proving to be a challenging exercise in vocabulary and brevity.

My other challenge is that I never know where I am going with anything until I get there. If I write an outline, I almost never stick with it (and if I had to turn in an outline, I would modify it at the end of the paper writing to match up again). One sentence turns out another, but I have no idea what it will be until it the previous one is there. The instructions for this particular piece is that we have been provided with the first and last sentences. And I must say, they are really bad sentences. I don't know of an editor that would end a story "Nothing was ever the same again after that." Bleh! Sure, it leaves creative room for the many writers who are taking on this story, but at the same time, it's very cliche'.

I'm sticking with it for now. It's good to have a stimulating challenge, deadline, and a reason to go to a coffee shop!

Rainy Day in E-town

I am sitting in a dimly lit, spacious coffee shop called Folklore Coffee in the heart of Elizabethtown (which, will henceforth be known as E-town. I'm learning no one wants to take the time to say or spell out the whole name around here). It has been cloudy all afternoon, with showers of rain spattering over the county ever half hour or so. It's a lovely day for work in a coffee shop.

I have been writing a short story, inspired by NPR's challenge to do so. It is strange how limits can be such a challenge in either direction. When I wrote sermons, getting to my 4 page, single-spaced minimum seemed like the most difficult challenge I encountered time after time. I never felt like I had done it enough to make sermon-writing come as effortlessly as it seemed for some. I usually enjoy the experience as I got into the preaching part (if I liked my sermon by the time I had gotten to that point. If I did like it, it seemed I always knew my sermon better too, as if it was a part of me). But my sermons were always on the short side. Twelve to fifteen minutes at most. By that fourth page, I always ran out of things to say anyway.

This is completely different. I have 600 words. I have used about a third of that in my blog already! I can't imagine telling a whole story in that short a space/time. But I am trying it; it's proving to be a challenging exercise.

Dinner last night was a wonderful surprise. Easy. Deliciously tasty. Didn't take a whole lot of time or concentration.

A quick salad with amazing raspberries, sugared pecans (I did a large batch earlier and stuck them in the freezer), rice, and marinated shrimp.

The marinade was easy: cooking sherry (or any cooking wine you might have), lime juice, thyme, garlic powder, a little cayenne pepper). 30 minutes to marinade, you start the rice, and then the shrimp cooks in a pan together with all the marinade for about 4 minutes on med-high. Wahla! If I ever open a restaurant, this is definitely going on the menu!

Chocolate, Pretzels, and Squash

There is a moment in many movies where people who travel look around, and I think feel at home in a new place because they have slowed down to see the charm, the nuances, the character of wherever it is they are. I traveled to Lititz, PA and it was this feeling that had come over me.

Truly, it was my second time in Lititz. I had gone because I found a bike on Craiglist that I wanted (purple--it was meant to be mine!). When I decided that I was going to take the back way, I found out I was quickly glad that I had been there before. Construction through me about 10 miles out of the way on a detour. I didn't go the way I had in my directions, but I ended up going the way I had gone before (my clue, a church sign that apty said " Are you on the right road?").

Since I had the time, I parked the car after picking up my bike and wandered the main street. Lititz is known for it's pretzels, it's Wilbur Buds (chocolate) and a very popular Moravian church. Kevin had requested the Wilbur Buds, and I cannot resist a warm, soft pretzel.

I went walking down towards the pretzel factory first, and along the way I stopped at a Chocolate Cafe. Almost everything on the menu had chocolate in the ingredient. How could I resist? I decided that it was a splurge day and ordered fruit crepes with chocolate drizzled over them. Supposedly the chocolate is not roasted, and therefore doesn't have caffeine? (Still not sure how that works!).

After a lovely meal, I walked down the street past fun shops, the beautiful Moravian church, and came to the pretzel factory and museum. It was the first one in the United States (see picture at the top of this post). I walked back down on the other side of the street with a soft pretzel in my hand, about as content as could be. I felt at home, yet mesmerized by the beauty and character of the place. Something felt very familiar even though most of this part of the town were very new.

I went home the way I was supposed to travel up, with new sites and beautiful farms everywhere I looked. I decided then and there that I would always take the long way. It was worth the view, and I had obviously proven that it is hard to get too lost.

I stopped by an outdoor vegetable stand on the way home. I hear there are many like it--based on the honor system. There are vegetables that look beautiful, prices listed, and a money box for you to deposit your money once you have decided what you want (no change box though). I found fresh corn, zucchini, cucumbers, squash, eggplant, watermelon for wonderful prices. $5 was the limit I set on myself, but I found an AMAZING collection of butternut squash. They were bigger than I had ever seen. The one I chose wasn't the biggest, but was longer than my arm from my elbow to fingertips. I foresee soup, among other things, in my future. Thankfully, it is getting cooler fast, so soup season is around the corner.

The many faces of Pork

So this week's menu is consisting of the great celebrity up here of pork. I found a pork loin on sale at the store, and decided that I would try to get creative. (I must first say that next time I do this, I will go back to Groff's Meats--not only is it cheaper, it's fresher there. When a pig walks into the back of the store, I can't imagine much fresher).

So last night, I made pork tacos. I cooked the meat in a dutch over, but if I hadn't lost the lid to my crock pot back in Athens, I would have done it in there. My sister taught me to cook it like that because the meat becomes really easy to separate with a fork (and it doesn't usually mess up another dish for me). I cooked the meat enough to make for the tacos, the rest I set aside to make barbeque for night three, and a small portion to season as a roast (small, but enough) on Sunday.

I added chili pepper, cayenne pepper, garlic, cumin, paprika, and I think a few other things to spice the meat. It was nice, but not too overwhelming. We then added lettuce, tomato, salsa, and (for me) avocado. Delicious! I actually made a pretty successful attempt at recreating one of my hard shell tacos with a little mayonaise, and just the lettuce, tomato and pork into the (almost, but at least bacon and pork come from the same animal) BLT Taco that Taqueria del Sol used to do. I am constantly surprised at how good that tastes.

Tonight, Kevin was craving pesto. We had found some fresh basil for Sunday's past picnic and used the rest of it tonight. Kevin made fresh pasta better than ever, and it was worth the wait. I don't ever think of the egg yolks that are in dry pasta, but I am aware they are there in fresh pasta and wonder how I've lived so long considering the amount of cholesterol I've digested in my life just in pasta. But I have enjoyed every bite, especially each of tonight's.

Tonight, I also made glazed pecans for the first time. Sugar and pecans, along with a little heat, and wallah! Slowing down to make food on one's own is so simple, I sometimes wonder why I ever let a grocery store do it for me (oh yeah, that small thing called a job, but for now, this is my job!). I'm loving it.

A Home with a View

Ok, so my home doesn't exactly have a view of much other than a parking lot, but one doesn't have to drive very far to find a gorgeous view. I took some pictures yesterday of the views from the top of the Masonic Village that is up the road from Elizabethtown, about five minutes away. I am amazed at how simplicity can take my breath away.

Today, I wasn't feeling great so I didn't leave the house except to take my dog for a half hour walk. It was gorgeous and cool outside, and I marveled to see so many of the leaves already starting to change. A few trees are starting to lose leaves at great speed. The wind was blowing a cool breeze, so I came home and opened all the doors and windows I could in our little apartment. My cat sat next to our front sliding door the whole day, looking longingly to freedom on the other side of the screen.

I watched a short piece of a movie called "10 Questions for the Dalai Lama" today. I'm not sure, with only 10 questions especially, that I learned anything different from what I already knew of him--practice non-violence and a non-threatening lifestyle (a timely message for our day's news), practice peace and compassion, examine yourself and explore happiness, let go of worry. The one that stuck out to me was actually the first question, which talked about self-discipline.

He was talking a lot about disciplining anger away from violence. I don't feel like outward violence is always the issue for most people; it may be inward violence: loathing, self-hatred, depression that is anger-turned inward (I don't think all depression is this, but some is), the small ways we punish ourselves for messing up. How does one discipline that, especially when no one else sees these attributes and we must be accountable to ourselves?

I know some of this exists in me. I remember at a retreat a few years back, we were invited to make something out of clay for a prayer experience of some sort. I don't really remember what the purpose was, but I had an image that stuck in my head. It was of a picture my pastor in seminary had, a statue that had been given to his hero, Carlyle Marney. The statue had one figure sitting with his head in his hands in despair; the other figure was sitting beside him, hands on both his shoulders. The picture was called "Compassion."

I decided that I wanted to try to make that for myself. As I am not an artist, it looked pretty horrible. I'm not even sure most people could distinguish it for human beings. But it was mine. I put it in my office at church to remind myself.

When I moved, I threw them away. I wish I hadn't now, but I also needed to purge. The act of making them is still enough--I have the original picture as well as my recreations in my head. I just wish I had a visual reminder sometimes, something that I turn my eyes towards on a regular basis.

But I think something more simple might also work, if I can practice self-discipline enough to stop, to enjoy things like the pictures I posted above. I can stop enough to be in the present, more than just to take a picture but to consider that the colors of the corn at that particular moment, the ever changing trees, the fields that roll on and on were made by Compassion for me to view, to take in, to enjoy for that particular moment. And my discipline will be to tell myself "It was worth the effort. I was worth the effort."

Risotto

So the only thing better in Kevin's mind than fresh and well-made risotto is getting to enjoy it fried up the next day. One of his fellow professors challenged us to make an Italian dish for a department-wide picnic. I searched the pasta book the deacon's gave me as a parting gift--but when I realized it was a lunch picnic, I also realized I didn't have enough time to make fresh pasta. Risotto it was! My favorite recipe is this one from cooking light--it never let's me down.

It was actually a great picnic food. I timed it to take it straight from the pot to the serving dish at the picnic. Plus, it was the first time we got to use our balsamic vinegar from Italy (and I learned that if you get the really good stuff, aged 6 years or more, no reduction is needed at all. Our cooking class told us that was an American thing to do with watered down balsamic).

So tonight, we rolled up the leftover risotto into fist-sized balls, rolled them in egg and whole wheat crumbs panko crumbs, and fried them lightly. Delicious.

I have done breadcrumbs before, but I have learned that panko crumbs soak up less grease and leave a crunchier taste with less frying. Some people also put in a bite of cheese in the middle of their risotto balls, but this had enough mozzarella in it already. I also learned that if you use fresh mozzarella cheese in the risotto recipe, you don't need nearly as much as the recipe says it does. Not that anyone minded the extra cheese! (not in this family anyway!).

I have learned (finally) how to take pictures from my camera and post them to my site. I been in the dark ages, having a phone without bluetooth for so long! No more--so many more pictures to come!

Forgiveness, Part 1

Kevin and I just got back from seeing the movie Eat, Pray, Love. While neither of us were as impressed as we wanted (but perhaps, isn't any movie about other countries supposed to leave you wanting a little more?, to see for yourself?), I was taken with the center of the movie. Liz's journey was to forgive and love herself. While she is in India, she especially focuses on forgiving herself for past failures, perhaps for not being herself or knowing who she was so that she didn't mess up other people's lives (or her own).

My friend Jared had suggested that I read Elizabeth Gilbert's book by the same title back when I was starting out in my former job as a resident. It is my guess, that the part about forgiveness was a big part of the reason why. Even if you don't agree with her methods, her philosophy, I think a giant lesson for all of us is learning to love and forgive ourselves. I know that has been a difficult thing for me to do in my life. It has been especially hard these last few weeks when I felt that I really wasn't contributing much to life, mine or anyone else's, especially at the impact that I was at my last job.

I actually taught a class on forgiveness my last year at my church, and I think it was one of the most profound discoveries I made for myself in doing so. We talked a lot about the process of forgiveness, and how it could easily be compared to a process of grief. Forgiveness, too, had stages: shock, denial, depression, anger, acceptance. I have found that approach useful in helping me progress towards the place where I want to forgive, where I want to let go of resentment and move towards healing.

I remember in that class watching a clip from a video study, and a part of that clip interviewed Marianne Williamson. She said something like...Forgiveness is the audacity to believe that a person can become human again. I wonder what that looks like when we believe that we can be human again, looking in the mirror. I think it has something to do with what we were created by God to be, and that is what God tries so hard to keep pulling us back to being. Sometimes I forget what it looks like. But I think I am going to go look in the mirror now, and remind myself.

Success

Well, this morning I succeeded in not opening up my computer until 11AM, and the only reason was to congratulate my former professor for having his book highlighted in a well-known magazine. And now to write a short update.

I learned how to freeze the fresh corn that this area is so proud of today. I may run up to the farmer's market to buy some and see if I can try it out. We are going out to dinner tonight with the rest of the professors, and because it is TJ Rockwells, lots of students as well. So nothing super special for me to make today.

Kevin gets the holiday, and I am excited to have him around this weekend. Being the extrovert that I am, it really gives me motivation and energy to have him around. I have done quite a bit today though. A lot of small things, but I find that I can motivate myself to do things (especially cleaning house) by giving myself 5 small things to do at a time. If I can put 5 things away in 15 minutes, or say, to tackle a bathroom cleaning like I did this morning, I can say "mirror, sink, put things in cabinet, tub and floor.." and it's almost completely done, so I go ahead and scrub the toilet anyway because I am so close. This helps me not feel defeated....though I need reminders quite often. (Perhaps I'm hoping I will check my own blog).

Well, off to start the 4th Harry Potter book and swim for awhile.

Goals for myself

So I have come up with a set of goals for my weekday life while Kevin is at work. They are

1 hour 15 min to read (this is a minimum)

30 minutes to write--(this is a minimum)

15 minutes for 2 notes a day (this is a maximum--I will get overwhelmed with it otherwise, and it won't get done)

30 minutes for exercise (this is a minimum).

Thus far, I have been good at everything but the notes, but as I have made room for everything else I think I can still make this work.

I have decided that I want to write the youth I used to work for a hand written note. They all wrote me one for my last day, and I have treasured them immensely. I feel as though it will provide me with a bit of closure that I need from that job in order to move on. I also think this will inspire me to write a bit more. I have corresponded with 2 people a day to make up for it, but one of my dear friends has taught me the value of the handwritten word. I want to take the opportunity to do so before the desire leaves. I hope to create more of a desire by making it a part of my routine.

I have learned that in order to do this for myself, I have to be on my computer a lot less. I used to be on my computer a lot more often, and have found just how much I am addicted to it. So, I am working on a routine as well to keep me away from it. The hardest part to change will be checking it first thing in the morning. I told myself I would not touch the computer this morning, and yet I walked to it and opened it up before I had time to think about what I was doing. Tonight, I am writing a note on it to remind me. Twice a day for the computer--the rest of my socializing will be on the phone or in person.

Criss-cross applesauce

Tonight, the cooking bug took over me. I started the evening attempting to make eggplant in a way that Kevin would enjoy. He's a much pickier eater than I am. I took the basic recipe from what I learned in Italy this summer (www.madonnadelpiatto.com) and modified it (mainly, adding more mozzarella cheese). Perhaps if I cover it in bread crumbs--so not the Italian way--he will enjoy it more.

I think it is funny about adding cheese because my side of the family, especially to Kevin, are the true cheese lovers. Head to my house on any major holiday and you will be swarmed by the casserole queens with there tasty dishes oozing in cheese. Truly there have been times when everything but the meat had cheese on it (partly because it was potluck, though discussions were had over the menu).

After dinner, which I thought was wonderful, I took out the apples I had bought from the farmer's market and made something somewhere between applesauce and apple butter (I'm not sure I really know the difference anymore. It was delicious (success!), although I have yet to figure out if it's worth the money to do it. It tastes better--which I always think makes it worth it.

Yesterday, I got asked if I was a foodie. With a sigh of resignation, I said "Yes!" "I'm not at all." the woman responded. Honestly, I know it's true that many people aren't around here (if you look at the restaurants around here, you'd see--people settle for the mundane food mostly), but with all of the fresh and tasty ingredients thus far, I just don't get it. There are so many affordable and wonderful options.

Thank goodness I exercised today to make up for all the food I am talking about!