My friend Jared had suggested that I read Elizabeth Gilbert's book by the same title back when I was starting out in my former job as a resident. It is my guess, that the part about forgiveness was a big part of the reason why. Even if you don't agree with her methods, her philosophy, I think a giant lesson for all of us is learning to love and forgive ourselves. I know that has been a difficult thing for me to do in my life. It has been especially hard these last few weeks when I felt that I really wasn't contributing much to life, mine or anyone else's, especially at the impact that I was at my last job.
I actually taught a class on forgiveness my last year at my church, and I think it was one of the most profound discoveries I made for myself in doing so. We talked a lot about the process of forgiveness, and how it could easily be compared to a process of grief. Forgiveness, too, had stages: shock, denial, depression, anger, acceptance. I have found that approach useful in helping me progress towards the place where I want to forgive, where I want to let go of resentment and move towards healing.
I remember in that class watching a clip from a video study, and a part of that clip interviewed Marianne Williamson. She said something like...Forgiveness is the audacity to believe that a person can become human again. I wonder what that looks like when we believe that we can be human again, looking in the mirror. I think it has something to do with what we were created by God to be, and that is what God tries so hard to keep pulling us back to being. Sometimes I forget what it looks like. But I think I am going to go look in the mirror now, and remind myself.
So much that I want to comment on here...first, just because there is distance between you and many of your friends does not mean that you are not contributing to our lives. You are. You are contributing to mine that is for sure. In fact your distance may allow for you to contribute even more. For example, the other night when we skyped and my emotions were so raw...I am not sure I would have showed them in person as much as I did over Skype (I know that is something I need to work on). Your prayers also are a huge contribution. So don't feel like you are not contributing because you are!
ReplyDeleteI would love to see you blog more on what practices we can do to help us love and forgive ourselves. I think that is very hard. What are some small steps that we can take to move us in that direction.
I think forgiveness is a key to our Christian walk but it is a hard one. There are time when we do not feel a need to forgive and justified in our belief or action but in actuality we do need to recognize that we need to forgive. Keep writing on this topic!